I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
