just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
