and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
