after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
