you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
cat food counts as protein by the way
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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