i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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