fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
