Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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