and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
