how can u be prego again
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
