i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
