There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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