what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
