i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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