just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
