Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
