Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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