She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
