i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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