I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
