I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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