I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have post one night stand depression
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
