the condom got lost in my hair
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
