ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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