Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
