just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
