Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
