I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
