I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
