You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
