I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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