I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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