I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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