we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
