found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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