i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
