Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
