Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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