I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
