Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize