Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
