I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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