6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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