Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
NoShamevember. You game?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
