I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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