i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
