it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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