How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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