Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
