I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
