Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
