How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
