Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Randomize
