That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize