If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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