you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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