so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Shame - the story of my life.
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