i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
