My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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