Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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