dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
whose ass print is on the piano?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Text me some of your sweat
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
